Will Durst Will Durst, 8/21/2006 [Archive]

The Sissy Box

The Sissy Box

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

What a surprise. Republicans feverishly exploiting their echo chamber to pound out the familiar percussive drumbeat that Democrats are weenie girly men who can't be trusted to keep their frilly underwear unsoiled much less protect this country from terrorists.

GOP mole Joseph Lieberman parroted the same crass, cross-party line when he nasally whined that Ned Lamont's win over him was a victory for the kind of people involved in the British Pakistani airline bomb plot. One news anchor on Fox News called Democrats 'the Al Qaeda Party.' And, in response, Democrats have vowed to mount a vigorous defense. Soon. Maybe. Once they rinse out their underwear.

What is wrong with these guys? They've got to get out there. Now. No. Now is too late. They've got to build a time machine. Go back to Friday the 11th. Issue pre-dated press releases. And drag everyone along with them. Dig up a couple of dead, three-initialed Dems like JFK and FDR and LBJ and send them out on tour. Do whatever it takes to keep the GOP from locking them into the sissy box. Again. Get Al Gore to put together a PowerPoint presentation to display exactly which party is at fault for America being less safe now. And convince him to re-grow his beard.

It's time to fight back. Time to start slamming Bush and his toadies for diverting the money from research to screen for liquid bombs to fighting a war against the wrong people. We have to remember 60 percent of us aren't happy about INVADING THE WRONG COUNTRY. And it's time to lambaste the whole do-nothing Beltway for not implementing the 9/11 Commission's recommendations on airport security. Not to mention the futility of busting passengers for possession of toothpaste.

With less than 12 weeks left before the midterms, the have to trot out their history of proposing security legislation that the Congressional majority routinely scuttled. Have every single Democratic Congressman go out and tell those same silly people who still believe Iraq possessed Weapons of Mass Destruction why the reason we don't have bomb detection technology for this sort of thing is because Bush wasted all our money on his rich buddies. Is Paris Hilton going to buy DC's Dulles Airport a liquid-bomb scanner? I don't think so. I doubt if she can spell 'DC.'

Point out that we still haven't caught the six-foot, seven-inch Arabian guy traipsing around the Khyber Pass dragging behind him a solar-powered kidney dialysis machine from the Islamabad Sharper Image catalogue. Point out that Mr. Bush has created more terrorists than he's killed with an emphasis on how odd it is that nobody in this Mickey Mouse administration is familiar with 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice.'

And then have our bravest, most charismatic Congressman (from the safest district in the country) reel off all of the Democratic plans to secure our borders that have been trashed by Bush's Congress, and hoist these squeezebags on their own petard by warning Americans that 'Every vote for a Republican is a vote for another 9/11.' And when they come at him with teeth bared, waving sharpened flag poles - and they will - just blow up the paragraph from the Washington Times where Tony Snow and Dick Cheney and Joe Lieberman said the same damn thing in reverse. And still brace yourselves for an October ad campaign featuring Hillary Clinton in a burqa.

Comic, writer, actor, radio talk show host, famed Howard Dean imitator Will Durst thinks Hillary would look good in a burqa.

Copyright 2006, distributed by Cagle Cartoons Inc. Catch Durst in radio talk show host mode on 'Keeping it Real With Will & Willie.' Weekdays 7- 10am. PDT. On KQKE. 960 AM. The QUAKE. San Francisco. Or listen long distance @ quakeradio.com.

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