Will Durst Will Durst, 6/24/2006 [Archive]

The Party of No Ideas vs The Party of Bad Ideas

The Party of No Ideas vs. The Party of Bad Ideas

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

The Republicans are fond of accusing the Democrats of being a party without ideas. Well, after watching the GOP trot out the trite tripe it passes off as ideas for the last couple of years, I'll tell you, no idea seems like a pretty damn good idea at this point. Estate taxes and gay bashing and flag burning seem to be their front-burner issues. Which if you think about it is pretty cynical on their part. Bashing gays while spending most of their time down on their knees blowing the rich--kisses.

Since the beginning of the year, the best idea President Bush has come up with was a secret mission to capitalize on the death of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi. Think of it as the less-hyped-and-budgeted, straight-to-DVD sequel to 'Mission Accomplished.' A midnight run into the Green Zone startling President Nouri Al-Maliki like the honoree at a surprise 110th birthday party in a fireworks factory. All Dubyah ended up doing on this absurd surreptitious secret agent strike was cutting the Iraqi leader's autonomy off at the knees. That and racking up about 24,000 Air Force One Frequent Flyer Miles. Which means on his next trip the President gets a free movie. Maybe he'll finally get to see 'An Inconvenient Truth.'

Instead of belying fears that the new Iraqi government is just a collection of American puppets, Bush's trip drew marionette strings above their heads with one of those four-inch-wide black magic markers. The industrial-strength kind with the indelible ink. And with the ultimate puppet master, Karl Rove, convinced that the only way for Republicans to win the midterms in November is to focus on the war and portray Democrats as congenital cut-and-runners, we can expect to see a lot more of these cynical surgical strikes into the heart of pseudo reality. When the going gets tough, the tough arrange photo ops.

Recently, GOP Congressional candidates were given a 74-page briefing book to provide ammunition for a focused attack against Democrats for the midterms. One of whose main tenets is withdrawal means thousands of troops died for nothing, conveniently laying a perpetual base for eternal occupation. Like refusing to throw a vine to a guy halfway stuck in quicksand because his pants are already wet.

Right now the metabolisms of the Pro-War Boys are fluttering on high-speed alert heartened by the spectacle of a semi-non-fierce battle raging amongst the Democrats over when to bring the troops home - now, later or subsequently. But maybe, just maybe, Mister Unindicted Co-Conspirator has gone to the well of fear one too many times. Let's face it - Democrats arguing amongst themselves is about as unusual as finding sand in the waistband of your shorts after a day at the beach.

And speaking of sand, one thing you can say now, is there is a line drawn in the hot Iraqi Weapons-Of-Mass-Destruction-free sand for the voters. If you're looking for a party whose big bad idea is to call anyone who disagrees with them sending our boys to die for nothing: cowards, who you going to call? The Republicans. But if you just want to be entertained by people who have no idea of how to stop fighting with each other, it's those wacky peace-loving Democrats you want.

Comic, writer, actor, radio talk show host, air conditioning aficionado Will Durst foolishly believes melting should not be part of the human condition.

He is in radio talk show host mode on Keeping it Real With Will & Willie. Monday through Friday. 7- 10am. PDT. On KQKE. 960 AM. The QUAKE. San Francisco. Or listen long distance @ quakeradio.com.

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